im not okay.
lately i was never.
not really happy. not really laughing.
im so miserable and im so fucked up.
i can't even tell if its my mess anymore.
it feels like slowly, the people around me starts to resent me.
i don't wanna be around them anymore, i wanna move out and live on my own.
if im in their way, the best thing i could do is just leave. its not like they want me there anymore.
im happy with people who are happy with me.
but i dont know how to erase this misery

the last petal

i've made tons of regrets, but this is probably the worst one yet. its nothing surprising, we thought it would be just another fight, we've had this before. this time i was sure i didn't cross the line, but i was sure enough it was my mistake in letting it happen and pretended i didn't care. but right now, nothing's pushing me to apologize. why should i be the only one who gives in? why do i always have to be the one who makes an effort in fixing our bond? why should i even try when she doesn't care and she's happy? i'll just give it time and one day, i'll really stop caring.
honestly, i don't think apologizing is gonna change everything because im pretty sure this time, she won't forgive me.