New Year Monday Rapture

so i suppose new year didnt started out well as planned. i guess the whole idea of letting things fall where they may is not exactly your cup of tea if you're not super attractive, cool, extremely gifted or in my case, can speak mandarin. first off, my possibly only close friend ( no offence Sara who's 27 and married coz i rly meant someone my own age) had moved in somewhere close to college and now i think i can slowly see that im losing him coz he can speak mandarin and everybody likes him, coz he's nice. now, i think im pretty much alone. This is just like middle school all over again. that one time i finally get a friend, something will go wrong and im alone. even getting a seat next to somebody is difficult. nobody wants to sit next to me. i hate this feeling coz its eating me up and making me all paranoid and thats the least i wanna feel right now coz i dont wanna be such an emotional trainwreck but i think i am, and once i get this feeling, that thing happens again. and i hate it when that thing happens. i wish i could be as independant as my sister who prefers to be alone than with anybody. i started off as an extrovert, i might ended up as a low self esteem introvert loser. if my sister was right about me setting the right foot in college, where could i possibly have gone wrong? Yea